My Bucket List

When the movie The Bucket List came out I decided to write my own bucket list.  I had just come out of a pretty bad time in my life and felt a renewed sense of wanting to live and be happy.  I sat down one Sunday afternoon with a yellow legal pad and began writing.  Afterward, I put the list in my wallet but never actually started checking things off.  I was busy with everyday life and I had plenty of time to revisit my list.  After all, those men in the movie were old!

Over the years, I've come across the list when I change purses or have to look for some long lost card in my wallet.  I'll pull it out sometimes and read it then tuck it back in its spot with the promise that "one day I'll start checking those things off my list".  When I recently went to the doctor for my procedure that would ultimately find cancer I saw the tattered and worn piece of yellow paper when I was looking for my insurance card and thought I should look at that list again when I have time, it has been awhile.

My Bucket List

Over the past 3 weeks I have looked at this list almost everyday.  Before, it was just a silly list of things I'd like to do before I die.  Now, suddenly it seems so much more important.  Instantly with the diagnosis of cancer that silly "to do" list has become the list of things I may never have a chance to do.  It is a list of things that are important to me and things that I have often taken for granted.  The list includes life changing things as well as silly insignificant things but suddenly everything on that list seems to have an urgency.  I've wasted years with the list in my wallet just sitting there waiting for me to decide something on it is important.  I've taken the list for granted thinking I have plenty of time to begin checking things off.  Now there is a chance that many of the things on my list may end up without a check beside of them.  I pray that I am able to stick around long enough to put checks beside most of the important things on my bucket list, and suddenly every little thing on that is has become important.

My Bucket List

• Fall in love with someone who is in love with me and doesn't want to live without me.
• Sit on the front row at my daughter's wedding
• Watch Abbi graduate from college
• Figure out a way to pay for Abbi's college
• Have money in my pocket and in the bank on payday
• Have a savings account for emergencies
• Write something that is publised for others to read and enjoy
• Become an author
• Find my passion and figure out a way to make a living at it
• Finish my college degree
• Get married
• Spend a week in an oceanfront house at the outerbanks with nothing to do but listen to the ocean
• Play with my grandchildren
• Make ammends to someone I have hurt
• Forgive someone who has hurt me
• Get a tatoo
• Live at the beach
• Own a real designer purse that I buy in a store
• See my mom reconnect with 2 people she hasn't seen in many years but have never left her heart
• Reconnect with those 2 myself and tell them that I never stopped loving them
• Believe in something spiritual
• Visit a palm reader
• Learn to stand up for myself
• See a manatee up close
• Learn to ballroom dance
• Outlive my parents and take care of them when they need me to
• Have a closer relationship with my brother
• Have a closer relationship with my sister-in-law
• Accomplish something I'm proud of
• Ride really fast in a race car
• Own a BMW
• Have a car without having a car payment every month
• Go to New York with Abbi - we both love it, we've both been, we need to go together
• Find my soulmate
• Reconnect with childhood friends
• Witness a miracle
• Finish my college degree
• Only have to work 1 job to be able to pay the bills
• Be with someone who will take care of me when I need them to
• See Abbi meet her father
• Go on a cruise with my entire family
• Be skinny but healthy
• Boob lift :)
• Botox when needed and never apologize for it
• Have a reunion weekend with my childhood friends like we've always talked about but never actually been able to accomplish
• Hug someone who needs it
• Swim with dolphins
• Have perfectly straight, white teeth
• Go to the top of the Empire State Building
• Sleep on the beach
• Not worry about having enough money to pay my bills
• Retire from my job and start a "career"
• Have someone to come home to everyday
• Know in my heart I've tried my best at something, even if I fell short of the goal
• Be content and happy with my life and know I've gotten every ounce of living out of it

I've carried this list with me for years. Cancer decided to add itself to my list without my permission.  I'd better get busy so that it is not the only thing on my list with a check beside it!